Anxiety.

Anxiety is a topic that has a lot of stigma that surrounds it which often makes it difficult to talk about. It is hard for people to talk about anxiety because it is what people struggle with and it makes them vulnerable. I have personally had anxiety for just over a year now and I am by no means highly experienced or very knowledgeable and what I say in this post is mainly based on my own experience.

Every individual who suffers from anxiety experiences it in a different way. For me it is mainly based around school and school pressure and also in places with larger social groups. Although I can tell you the main reasons I have anxiety often I actually don't know why I have anxiety. I often feel it at the most random times like my chest is tightening and I get a lot of self - doubt thoughts. I also find it very hard to focus and often feel quite restless.

My anxiety does tend to fluctuate up and down. Sometimes these rise and falls are triggered by external factors like exams, big social events or family incidents, however, sometimes I just feel myself slipping into a constant state of uncertainty, fear and stress which I often can't explain. About half a year ago I would probably say that I had regained some of my confidence, felt a little bit more secure and thought that my anxiety was just a phase. However, recently, probably around a month ago, I saw myself slowly slipping to my previous self who struggled to complete all my school work, felt myself withdraw from everyone and just sort of shut down and collapse upon myself.

When I experience anxiety I feel so alone, trapped and stuck within myself. Often the struggles that I experience are all made up in my head. That social event that I fear doesn't have judgemental people and that exam is really not that intimidating but yet in my mind everything is exaggerated and built up in my head. And because these struggles aren't seen by others it is hard for people who don't experience what I experience to understand my perspective. My parents don't understand what I go through and find it hard to accept what I'm going through, always finding ways to blame the anxiety on me and what I do. And at school, everyone seems to be worrying about school results, the latest drama or the upcoming social events etc. It's very challenging to open up about such a deep and negative topic when everyone is talking about happy things.

Every time I talk about my anxiety with someone whether it be a counsellor, teacher or friend I feel a sense of relief. I truly think that even if you want to tell one or two people who are able to support you it will make the world of difference and help you to work out some of the things that happen in the head.

I have been recommended so many counsellors to see but counsellors don't charge a cheap rate. I struggled very long deciding which counsellor to go to and it increased the stress levels more. Unfortunately going to a counsellor who charges a large amount was just not possible for me. I did see the school counsellors but found it difficult to not be able to see the same counsellor every time. I am now seeing a counsellor at headspace and their services are very helpful. The counsellor I am currently seeing has helped me a lot to see a different perspective on my own life and she has helped me to work through some of my issues although it is still a work in progress. Everyone is just so nice and non - judgemental and they will do everything to make you feel comfortable and welcome. Headspace is an organisation that is funded by the government therefore the service is good for anyone who is financially incapable of seeking a counsellor.

In this post I am sharing something that is very deep and personal for me so please be respectful. If you would like me to post more about my experience with anxiety or post more personal experiences please let me know by commenting below.